


Maybe

by EstherWeepingAngel



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, I'm Sorry, M/M, Not Beta Read, One-Sided Attraction, Probably Some OOC, Sad, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-12 16:13:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9080008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EstherWeepingAngel/pseuds/EstherWeepingAngel
Summary: Maybe Yuuri loves Viktor too much.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to a sad love song and this happened.  
> There isn't much plot, it's mainly Yuuri's thoughts about Viktor loving someone else  
> I hope you enjoy, this is my first fanfiction for this fandom so bear with me XD
> 
> Also! English is not my native language so I probably have some mistakes.

It's been two years since Yuuri Katsuki won silver in the Grand Prix finals.  
It's been twenty months since Yuuri and Viktor moved to Saint Petersburg to train in Viktor's home rink.  
It's been fifteen months since the day Viktor met a redhead girl named Ella at the ice rink.  
It's been a year since Yuuri moved back to Japan.  
It's been a month since the invitation to Viktor's and Ella's marriage arrived at the Katsuki's house.  
It feels as if it's been a lifetime since Yuuri's heart got broken.

Yuuri keeps the invitation deep inside the drawer of his desk, next to the golden ring that he bought for Viktor two years ago.  
The retired figure skater gave it back to him, telling him that he should save it for someone special, someone that he loves with all his heart.  
Viktor doesn't know that he is that person.  
Yuuri keeps the ring and the invitation as a reminder, a reminder that he will never be with the man he considers as the love of his life, the man he fell in love with the moment he saw him on TV when he was a kid.

It hurts. Heartbreaks were never something Yuuri had to worry about since he was always busy with skating and never had the time for relationships.  
Who would have thought that he would meet the person that makes him cry himself to sleep because of ice skating, the thing that has always been an escape and a way to cope with how fucked up he was.

He's been holding on for so long. Trying to deal with anxiety and low self-esteem, sometimes it felt as if he was gripping the edges of a cliff, struggling not to fall into the deep abyss under him.  
When he met Viktor, it was as if there was finally someone pulling him up, making him hope for something that he stupidly called love.

Yuuri was deep in the abyss now, trying to breathe and not break down.  
Not yet.

Viktor was too busy with the wedding to even talk to him.  
The wedding.  
Yuuri had to go. Just to make sure that Viktor is really happy with the woman he loved.  
Just to make sure that Viktor was okay without him.  
He was probably even better off without him now that he thought about it.

Viktor doesn't know, of course.  
These feelings have been buried for far too long now, and even if he wanted to he couldn't say them out loud. It wasn't worth it anyway.

Yuuri remembers the day when they were sprawled on the soft sand of the beach in Hasetsu, Viktor talking about the plans for the wedding with excitement and Yuuri listening to him with a hidden smile.  
When Viktor looked up at the sun with his usual grin and glimmering eyes, Yuuri almost told him that he loved him.  
It was on the tip of his tongue, he could imagine the scene in his mind. He would grab Viktor's hands, look him in the eyes, kiss him and tell him that he loves him. He even imagined Viktor kissing him back and telling him that he loves him too, that he never knew how to say it.  
But then Viktor's phone beeped and Yuuri immediately knew that it was Ella, just by the way that Viktor smiled.

It was at this moment that Yuuri realized that maybe he and Viktor weren't meant to be. And for mere hours he actually believed that it was for the best and that he was going to move on, that he was going to be fine.  
But the demons come at night, and when Yuuri went to bed that evening, he was thrown once again in despair, crying quietly and clutching his phone while reading old texts.  
Yuuri was familiar with pain. He broke his arm when he was nine, he sprained his ankle twice before and he had countless injuries from skating.  
But now, the only thing that hurt was his heart. Who knew that it could be so painful?  
Maybe he should just give up.  
Maybe he should just let go.

The long hours became days and the days turned into months of pretending to be fine. His eyes were black circles and his smiles rare and fake, shouting out to the world that he can't fall asleep and that he's not the same shy but happy Yuuri Katsuki he used to be.  
For some reason, Yuuri didn't even care about people spreading rumors about him being depressed or addicted to drugs. He didn't care about other people being worried about him and asking him what was wrong, whether it was Minako-sensei scolding him for letting himself go, his sister smoking and looking more angry than worried, his parents trying to be kind and gentle, Pichit sending him funny vines or Yurio yelling at him and calling him an asshole.

The only things he cared about were the pictures uploaded on Instagram by Viktor or Ella, showing them doing things together and looking happy.  
He also cared about the fact that Katsudon didn't taste good anymore.

The day of the wedding, he was standing next to Viktor, putting on his best fake smile as the man he loved more than life itself made his vows with another woman.  
And as the happy couple danced and swirled on the dance floor to the sound of a love song, Yuuri looked at them and let his tears fall on his cheeks, ignoring the sad look Yurio was giving him.  
He felt like a lonely lantern in a street full of love.

Maybe they weren't meant to be.  
Maybe Yuuri just loved Viktor far too much.

\------

Yuri Plisetsky looked at Yuuri who was crying ugly tears and watching Viktor.  
He looked at the newlywed and clenched his fists, thinking about how much he wanted to punch Viktor for making the man he loved cry.  
Unfortunately, Yuuri wasn't the only one who loved someone too much.


	2. Agape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some people wanted me to continue this, so I hope you all like it!  
> English is not my native language so I probably have *lots* of grammar mistakes. Sorry about that, I don't have a beta reader!  
> Happy new year and I hope you enjoy :)

To be completely honest, Yuri Plisetsky doesn't know when was the exact moment in which he fell in love with Yuuri Katsuki.

Maybe it was at the waterfall when Victor sent him to find his Agape.  
Or maybe when he watched the Japanese pulling off a nearly perfect performance at the Onsen on ice.  
Maybe even before that, when drunk Yuuri challenged him to a dance-off.  
No, he doesn't know when or why he fell in love with that nerd. He just knows that it will never lead him to anywhere but pain.

Yuri also doesn't know what hurt him more, watching Victor steal Yuuri's heart or breaking it.  
Seeing Yuuri fall in love with someone else with sparkles in his brown eyes made him feel vulnerable and pathetic. He could only watch them without being able to stop it.  
But seeing Yuuri's eyes lose light and his smile fade away really pissed him off.  
Every time he sees Yuuri's shoulders slump and a fake smile forcing itself on his face, he wishes for Viktor to love Yuuri back because maybe then, Yuuri will be happy.  
Even if it's not with him.

Why would Yuuri want to be with him anyway? He was just a kid after all, and he had a tendency to push people away even when he didn't want to. Why would Yuuri even look at him when Viktor Nikiforov, the best figure skater in the whole world was around?  
Yuuri probably hates him. Why wouldn't he? The first time they met Yuri pretty much told Yuuri that he was pathetic and that he should retire. When he was in Japan, he insulted Yuuri and treated him like shit, and then he won the Grand Prix, shattering Yuuri's dream.

Why would anyone like him?  
He was a jerk that treated everyone like crap, rejecting and pushing the people who cared about him away.  
He didn't mean to, he really didn't. But when his parents left him at his grandfather's house and flew off to South America without coming back, he just felt like getting close to people just wasn't worth it, not when they could leave you, as cliche as it sounds.  
Maybe Yuri is overreacting.  
But he still remembers coming home from school crying because of his classmates who mocked him and told him that his parents left him because he was worthless.  
He remembers calling his mom every week and asking her when she was coming back, only for her to stop answering after five months.  
He never wants his grandfather to see him cry again.  
He wants to be strong, to show the whole world that Yuri Plisetsky is a successful young man who makes his country proud, even without his parents by his side.

Falling in love was a failure, and falling in love with someone he had no chance with was even worse. He doesn't have time for heartbreak, he needs to stay focused on the most important thing- skating.  
So Yuri tries to push these damn feelings away, try to ignore the way his heart flutter every time he sees Yuuri skate. Tries to not let Yuuri's smile, eyes or beautiful body distract him.  
He fails, obviously.

Time pass and Yuri gets sick of watching Yuuri fall apart every time Viktor mentioned Ella, he's sick of keeping up an annoyed face when he sees Yuuri frown when he wants to hug him and tell him that it's going to be okay.  
He wants to tell him that he can be happy with him.  
But he can't.

When Yuri gets the invitation to the wedding, the first thing he does is call Yuuri. He doesn't even think about what he's going to say, he just dials and waits impatiently for Yuuri to answer.  
"Hello?"  
"Please don't tell me you've been crying."  
Yuuri doesn't say anything back. Yuri sighs and tries to keep his voice calm.  
"You're not going to fall apart, do you hear me?"  
"Why would I?"  
"Do you think I'm stupid? I know that you love him and that you're probably having a breakdown because they're getting married."  
"Even if I did love him, it wouldn't matter. Right, Yurio?" Yuuri says in a tired voice.  
"It does matter. You were here before her, you loved him first."  
"Stop. Please, just- leave me alone."  
Yuri was about to say something back but Yuuri hung up.  
_That bastard._  
Yuri throws his phone on his bed, and punches the wall angrily, yelling and cursing loudly as the blood trickled from his knuckles.  
His grandfather slams the door open and looks at him with concern.  
"Yurochka, are you okay? What's wrong?"  
"I'm fine. I just punched the wall."  
His grandfather chuckles and gently takes Yuri's arm, leading him to the bathroom. He washes away the blood, pours Antiseptic on the wound and wraps the hand with bandages. Yuri stays quiet during the process, only hissing when the burning liquid touched his open flesh. He keeps his head down and doesn't make eye contact with his grandfather who is probably waiting to hear why he punched a fucking wall.  
"So?"  
Yuri stays silent, looking at his grandfather with angry eyes.  
Nikolai sighs and ruffles his grandson's hair. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"  
Yuri takes a deep breath and then says in a quiet voice:  
"I'm in love with a boy."  
Nikolai turns around and looks at his grandson who is crying now. He wraps his arms around Yuri and let the slender boy sob on his shoulder.  
"Did he hurt you or something? Why are you crying?"  
Yuri looks up with surprise. "You're not angry?"  
"Why would I be angry?"  
"Well, I mean- I'm gay."  
Nikolai laughs and ruffles Yuri's hair again.  
"I think I already knew you were different when you chose figure skating as a career, my boy."  
Yuri smiles with relief and shakes his head.  
"He doesn't even know, he loves someone else."  
"Is it the Japanese kid? Isn't he called Yuri too?"  
Yuri looks at his grandfather with wide eyes.  
"How did you know?"  
"The way you look at him, the way you talk about him. It wasn't hard to figure out."  
Yuri blushes. So he _is_ obvious.  
"He's heartbroken and I don't know what to do to help him."  
"Yura, just be yourself."  
"If I'll be myself he'll just run away."  
"Yuri, you know I'm not good with words but listen to me. I know that deep down, you care. You deserve to be happy, and you will be if you'll stop pushing your feelings and people away."  
Yuri nods and hugs his grandpa, smiling lightly when his grandfather announces that he is making Katsudon Piroshki for dinner.  
Even if Yuuri will never love him back, at least he'll always have a home.

  
Yuri has to admit that the wedding is beautiful. Everything looks bright and shiny, and the couple standing at the altar looks even brighter and shinier than the room. Viktor makes his vows and Yuri can see that the bastard is happy, unlike Yuuri who looks as handsome and sad as ever standing next to Viktor.  
Yuuri looks stunning, but the expression on his face when the couple kiss shows how sad he is.  
When the newlyweds dance on the dance floor, Yuuri watches them from his seat next to a table that was now empty. Yuri watches him and clenches his fists when he sees tears slipping from the deep hazel eyes he loved.  
Cheers erupt around Yuri and then all of the other couples in the room start to dance. He sees JJ with his wife, Chris with his husband and Pichit with Otabek, the latter clearly not wanting to be here. He walks over to Yuuri and sits down next to him, noticing the almost empty whiskey glass in the man's hand.

"I'm sorry."  
"About what?"  
Yuri groans. He sucks at apologies.  
"About calling you fatso, about yelling at you all the time, about being a jerk all those years, I'm sorry about what I said when we first met. I want you to know that you're... my friend. And I'm here if you want to talk. You deserve to be happy you know?"  
Yuuri smiles at Yuri, and the blonde's face turns red when he sees that it's not fake.  
"It's okay, Yurio. I could never be angry at you. You're one of my best friends after all!"  
Yuri stares at Yuuri with a surprised look and then smiles a big smile too, not seeing the red dusting Yuuri's cheeks.

A new song starts and Yuri gets up and extends his hand toward Yuuri.  
"Dance with me."  
Yuuri smiles one again and takes Yuri's hand, letting the younger boy lead him to the dance floor.

Yuri places his hand on Yuuri's hips and takes Yuuri right hand with his.  
He laced their fingers, and they start to dance slowly, careful with their steps.

Yuuri looks at Yurio and wonders if his smile has always been that beautiful and if his eyes have always been that bright.

Yuri feels like the whole room around them has disappeared, the only things left were Yuuri's hand in his and the look of happiness on his face.  
His grandfather was actually right.  
Maybe he's not so bad at making other people and himself happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ship Yuuri with Viktor but I really wanted both Yuris to have a happy ending. Maybe I'll write some Victuuri fluff sometime.


End file.
